The War on Breastfeeding

30 09 2012

Before our son was born, I used to think that breastfeeding was just a wonderful bonding time between mother and child. I’ve read in books about how breastfeeding can be majestic in its own way. With my own interpretation from reading these books and articles that everything is one with the universe and unicorns crap cheeseburgers. Little did I know about the truth of breastfeeding and how all those stories that I had read and had been told was nothing but a myth. To all of those individuals that find this beautiful and believe that it’s one of the finer things in motherhood, be forewarned, quit lying to yourself and read this article to become educated about the “War on Breastfeeding.”
All right men, now there are some things that we need to understand. According to the wife, breastfeeding hurts. You have the Jaws of Life clamping down on your nipple and there’s nothing that you can really do about it, because the child needs to eat. There are multiple ways of positioning the child into the feeding position, but each one ends up in the same result. Now think about how you would feel if you had to go through with this. Let that thought sink in, and once it has, think about doing this eight times a day or as much as they’ll eat. Talk about being tender and sore, and not wanting to ever wear a t-shirt ever again. Now I’ve seen the aftermath of what breastfeeding does, and it usually ends up with me telling myself that “I’m the lucky one.”
As the person who sits on the sidelines waiting for this escapade to end, there are very few things that I can actually do to help my wife alleviate some of the aches and pains. Of the things that I can do, it usually involves me going to the store and picking up a few items that will potentially help. Here is a list of what I would call the “Breast Survival Kit.”
1. Lanolin Cream: This stuff is the bee’s knees. Fellas, let me tell you, this cream is guaranteed to soothe and alleviate. Nobody likes chaffed nipples, and this is the stuff that will help prevent that from happening.
2. Nipple Shield: This sounds like a joke, but the truth is, it isn’t. It acts like armor plating for the nipple, yet it’s pliable and durable. This is also great for infants that are having a difficult time latching on. So far, there have only been compliments, as opposed to complaints from the wife and trust me, she’ll thank you for it later.
3. Breast Pump: She uses the evenflo manual breast pump. It fits ergonomically in your hand and has a nice rubber cone for comfort. Momma approves.
4. Warm/Cold Compress: This will help let down the milk inside the breast. This is supposed to make it easier for the baby to get to the “good stuff.” Breast milk=TKO (Titty-Knock-Out). Titty-Knock-Out is where the baby goes to sleep after a good feed. A sleeping infant means more time for mom and dad, and that’s a plus.
5.Boppy: This is your inanimate friend. Soft and comfortable, this versatile piece of gear is useful to support your child during breastfeeding and can act as a pillow for daddy when he sleeps on the fold-out chair in the hospital. This dad gives it two thumbs up.
6. Decaffeinated Green Tea: This is used to calm mommy and let the milk down. It’s recommended to be taken 30 minutes prior to breastfeeding to allow it to take effect.
7. Nursing Bra: Helps provide extra support for her. Those Victoria Secret bras will no longer fit the bill in terms of support. Breasts will swell and engorge once the milk starts kicking in. Nursing bras also provide easy access for when it’s time to feed.
Our role as the guy is to be there for support. I know that it’s tough when we’re programmed to be the one fixing problems that we see with our loved one, but it’s something that we’re just going to have to do. Relax and take a deep breath, and just be thankful that everything is going to be ok.



One response

13 10 2012
F.A.R.T. = Fast Action Response Team « Sailor Spouse

[…] with the responsibilities. Obviously there are some that the men cannot perform, such as pumping breast milk, but we can provide changing assistance, bottle warming, and back rubs. Listen fellas, help your […]

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